The Jerkins: Never Once

Matt Redmond wrote a song called, Never Once. It has been an anthem in my life as we have experienced such uncertainty especially with our babies. I feel like an attribute of Christ that has meant more in my life than anything outside of grace is his FAITHFULNESS. He is so faithful. He has been faithful, he is being faithful and I know he will continue being faithful.

This past week has been an emotional roller coaster. Our boys began throwing up frequently with feedings. It had gotten so bad especially with Luke that we took them to the doctor on Monday. When I say throwing up, really I mean spewing... more would come out of Luke than I know went in him. It would come out forcefully and not only out his mouth but out his nose. It was pitiful.

Our doctor diagnosed both babies with severe acid reflux. He said there was a chance it could be something else but we would start treating it as such and would do more testing if by the end of the week we didn't see any improvement. He had us give both babies zantac 3 times a day, reduce the amount of milk they got at each feeding and we gave them gas drops before each feeding as well. We were also to keep them elevated as much as possible. This worked beautifully for Jude. He never threw up again. Luke on the other hand just seemed to get worse. They sent us Friday to Baptist Womens to get an abdominal ultrasound on him. There it was confirmed that he had Pyloric Stenosis. This ultimately is where the milk he was drinking was not ever leaving his stomach because the Pylorus muscle was too large and thick to allow anything to be digested so he would throw up anything that was on his stomach.

We knew this was a possibility because we know several people who's kids also had this. It is not something that you're born with, but develops 4-8 weeks after birth. Statistically its seen in first born males around his age. The solution to this problem is unfortunately only surgery. No parent wants their newborn to have to have surgery but it was so hard watching him throw up the way he did that we were just thankful to have answers and a plan to fix it. I was torn between relief that my baby was going to get fixed and fear that my baby is having surgery. Though we know its a simple, laproscopic surgery, he's still my baby and it just plain hurt my momma heart.

They sent us straight to Lebonheur. I definitely shed tears as we drove. I knew I needed reminding so I turned on "Never Once." "Never once did we ever walk alone. Never once did you leave us on our own. God you are faithful. Carried by your constant grace; held within your perfect peace; Never once did we ever walk alone." I needed that reminder. God is faithful during the good times and bad. We are carried by His grace and we know that He gives perfect peace. He is faithful and even cares when my first time, paranoid momma's heart is scared.

After hours of being admitted through the ER, bloodwork, another ultrasound... we were finally given a room where we spent the night. Around 6:30a.m. on Saturday morning, the surgery team came and spoke to us about the surgery and soon after they were ready for him.

We walked down with him and stayed during pre-op. Then it was time to say good-bye for a little while. I was teary and then they took him one way and we had to go another. I lost it. He was in good hands. I knew that. It was just the seperation and severity of SURGERY... being put to sleep and away from me.

After a good cry in D's arms, I was ok. The surgery was to last less than an hour. We went back to our room showered, dressed and they called to say the surgery went perfectly and we could come down and meet them in recovery. RELIEF.

As we walked up and I saw my baby laying in that bed after surgery I got teary again. Teary because he just had surgery. Teary because his problem was now fixed. Teary because once again God's faithfulness had sustained us through an ordeal that was really minor but huge in my first time momma heart.

Saturday was their one month birthday so family brought Jude up so we could see him and so they could spend some time together on their one month birthday... since they cared so much. :)

Jude looks like a giant here. He is def bigger than Luke because Luke was losing weight, but he's not that much bigger.

We stayed another night so Luke could be monitored. He did fantastic. He kept down his bottles and his whole demeanor changed. His color was better, he was less lathargic, he drank his bottles well... he was already improving. Before modern medicine, babies with this disorder ultimately would have starved to death. We are so grateful for modern medicine, technology and the great care of doctors and nurses at Lebonheur. Our Luke is currently laying beside me snoring with a full tummy that is properly digesting.