Fear

Once they placed these 2 precious babies in my arms something in me ignited that I never anticpated. Yes there was so much excitement and love that is indescribable.... but what I did not anticipate was fear. I wasn't fearful of my role as caregiver, but fearful of all of the unknowns that I could not control. Germs, SIDS, accidents, etc.... I never anticpated to feel so weighted down by this emotion. I definitely think my babies being born in cold December didnt help but the external was nothing compared to my internal battle.

I am currently reading a book called Tame Your Fears by Carol Kent. I recommend this to everyone. We all have fears of something and struggle at different levels but this book covers it all and points out the obvious... Living in fear is sin. Worrying is straight up disobedience. 

Talk about a punch in the gut. 

Growing up in church we know this stuff. We can quote the scriptures. We know there are 365 of them on fear. But do we live this out? Or are we living in bondage to something that is robbing our joy and literally putting a sin barrier up in our lives.

Decemeber 18, 2013... I had no idea that all of this was beginning. I knew I was a protective mom (still am! and I don't apologize for it. God gave me the responsibility of taking care these babies. No one else.) However being a protective mom is very different than being a fearful mom. 

A protective mom prays.

A fearful mom worries.

A protective mom surrenders her family to the Lord.

A fearful mom tries to control everything.

We (I) have a choice. I can be fearful. Or I can remember that yes, I birthed these babies, but they are simply on loan to me. I have the responsibility to raise them, but they are not really mine. I can hold on with white knuckles or I can surrender these precious babies to the One who loves them more than me.

I am learning. I am taking baby steps. I am not a super mom. I am human. But I am thankful for the One who is walking beside me in this journey. He created me and my family. And more than that, He loves me and my family and desires a healthy relationship with me (us) not a power struggle.