6 Week Check Up

Today I went in for my 6 week check up. I see Dr. Heather Donato at McDonald Murrmann Women's Clinic. I've been seeing her since my initial obgyn experience. And I love her. Well actually, I first went to see another doctor for my first ever physical back when I was in college, but they told me to come back when I was sexually active. Seeing how I wasn't going to be until after I got married, I ditched that practice and found this one. As irritating as it was to be told that, I am thankful for it because it led me to MMWC.

From the moment she walked into my exam room on my first visit, Dr. Donato made me feel comfortable (or as comfortable as you can when you're dressed in an open gown and sitting on a table with stirrups!) She is sweet spirited, gentle and always makes you feel like you're her only patient. Even as our visits increased with this pregnancy, she remained ever patient to answer our questions and genuinly cared about us and our babies.

Not only do we love our doctor, but the front desk ladies, the nurses and oh how we love the lady who did all of our ultrasounds. From blob looking to babies, Melinda helped us watch our boys grow. She affectionately called them "tiny hinies" and I find myself now doing the same. 

We were so excited to take the boys with us up there and show them off. It was necessary seeing how these ladies had to watch my ever growing belly week after week. They needed to see the final product! 

Going so often and seeing these same sweet faces really made us build relationships. I got teary eyed as we hugged them all and left today because I knew I wouldn't see them again for awhile. (Ok, so the hormones are still affecting me!) These are the precious people that took such great care of us from answering all of our questions about insurance, medications, medical concerns, and of course those who physically took care of me and our boys. As we left, I couldn't help but think just how thankful we are for MMWC!

Baby Scars

In preparing for the boys, we cleaned and organized basically the whole house, we got their nursery fixed and decorated to my liking, their clothes organized by sizes and hospital bags were packed. Though I was on bed rest for the last 3 months, I felt very prepared for the boys arrival.

What I was not prepared for was the post baby body. I haven't lived with my head in the sand. I know carrying a baby can do crazy things to your body. I also realize I just had twins a month ago, but as I shower and dress every day I'm reminded of the lengths my body had to go through to grow these boys. I know this sounds vain to even talk about but I know I'm not the only momma to have "baby scars." And I know you soon to be or one day to be mommas, if you're anything like me, want to know everything about this crazy process.

Every woman is going to carry her baby differently. Some will gain lots of weight. Some will hardly gain any. (I'll try not to hate those of you.)  Some will carry one baby. Some will carry multiples. In my case, carrying 2 babies at once didn't seem to be a big deal physically until about 30 weeks. That's when the stretch marks started. I had used different moisturizers the whole time anticipating the fact that those lovely stretch marks would indeed show up. I had heard mixed reviews. Some said you'll get stretch marks regardless and some said use cocoa butter, bio oil etc to help prevent. I have always used lotion everyday so I thought it couldn't hurt and I'm still glad I did... even though it didn't prevent the lovely stretch marks from gracing my hips and lower belly.

Stretch marks I was prepared for... the saggy skin not so much. I knew my belly had gotten big and that I had gained 60+ pounds, but I was not anticipating what I now know to be the "c-section sag." Yes, sagging skin that hangs ever so lovely around your c-section scar. I'm curently 5.5 weeks post pardom and my stomach still has a pooch and sagging skin.

Why did I share all of this might you ask?

Like I stated before, I wish someone would have been as frank to say GET READY FOR...(fill in the blank.) All I had ever heard was your body won't be the same after baby. Well duh to some degree, you just grew a human or 2 in there! I however thought just eat right, nurse and then once you get the ok from your doctor, workout. Ha! Who wants to eat healthy when sweet people are bringing meals of comfort food to you?! And who wants a healthy snack when you have choc chip cookies and delicious choc cake sitting on the counter?! And who wants to spend time working out when you could take a shower or a nap?! Though I do look forward to the challenge of losing these last 20lbs. I'm still enjoying my junk food and maternity pants. And oh maternity pants... how I love you!

I have gotten so off track from my point, but the honesty here just seems to be flowing. Back to stretch marks and flabby skin...

It seemed like in the same day I read a couple of different blog posts about how a baby changes you. Obviously they hit on the emotional side and the physical side of this sweet new life of being a mom. Thats what started me rethinking this baby body.

No, I do not have a six pack or anything close. No, I can not run a half marathon or even walk up my stairs without being winded. Yes, my arms jiggle when I wave. Yes, I have stretch marks that grace my belly. Yes, I have saggy skin. But you know what?

 I wouldn't trade it for the world.

These baby scars... my reminders... of what my body did for 9 months is a constant reminder of God's graciousness to me. He saw fit to give me 2 precious baby boys, that yes stretched my belly beyond what looked normal, but the joy that I get from being their mom makes every bit of it worth it.

One of the blogs (I wish I could remember what blogs they were so I could give them credit) really focused on how grateful we should be for our baby scars. I know it seems weird to be thankful for stretch marks and flabby skin, but when you think about the thousands of women struggling with infertility it definitely makes you ever so thankful for those seemingly ugly scars. Those women would give anything to have stretch marks and flabby skin because of what they represent... a baby. Life that they grew inside of them. Life that they delivered. Life that many have cried over and prayed for. If that doesn't make us thankful for our baby scars then I don't know what will.

So as I'm sitting here looking at my 2 sleeping baby boys I am thankful. I am thankful for my pooch that makes wearing normal clothes weird right now. I am thankful for my stetch marks that remind me every day that Jude and Luke grew inside of me. And I'm thankful for my c-section sag because that incision is how my boys were delivered. That moment of delivery when I heard them cry for the first time...I was thankful. I was thankful for the new life (lives) that God had given us. And so everyday I will choose to be thankful for my baby scars.

Never Once

Matt Redmond wrote a song called, Never Once. It has been an anthem in my life as we have experienced such uncertainty especially with our babies. I feel like an attribute of Christ that has meant more in my life than anything outside of grace is his FAITHFULNESS. He is so faithful. He has been faithful, he is being faithful and I know he will continue being faithful.

This past week has been an emotional roller coaster. Our boys began throwing up frequently with feedings. It had gotten so bad especially with Luke that we took them to the doctor on Monday. When I say throwing up, really I mean spewing... more would come out of Luke than I know went in him. It would come out forcefully and not only out his mouth but out his nose. It was pitiful.

Our doctor diagnosed both babies with severe acid reflux. He said there was a chance it could be something else but we would start treating it as such and would do more testing if by the end of the week we didn't see any improvement. He had us give both babies zantac 3 times a day, reduce the amount of milk they got at each feeding and we gave them gas drops before each feeding as well. We were also to keep them elevated as much as possible. This worked beautifully for Jude. He never threw up again. Luke on the other hand just seemed to get worse. They sent us Friday to Baptist Womens to get an abdominal ultrasound on him. There it was confirmed that he had Pyloric Stenosis. This ultimately is where the milk he was drinking was not ever leaving his stomach because the Pylorus muscle was too large and thick to allow anything to be digested so he would throw up anything that was on his stomach. 

We knew this was a possibility because we know several people who's kids also had this. It is not something that you're born with, but develops 4-8 weeks after birth. Statistically its seen in first born males around his age. The solution to this problem is unfortunately only surgery. No parent wants their newborn to have to have surgery but it was so hard watching him throw up the way he did that we were just thankful to have answers and a plan to fix it. I was torn between relief that my baby was going to get fixed and fear that my baby is having surgery. Though we know its a simple, laproscopic surgery, he's still my baby and it just plain hurt my momma heart.

They sent us straight to Lebonheur. I definitely shed tears as we drove. I knew I needed reminding so I turned on "Never Once." "Never once did we ever walk alone. Never once did you leave us on our own. God you are faithful. Carried by your constant grace; held within your perfect peace; Never once did we ever walk alone." I needed that reminder. God is faithful during the good times and bad. We are carried by His grace and we know that He gives perfect peace. He is faithful and even cares when my first time, paranoid momma's heart is scared. 

After hours of being admitted through the ER, bloodwork, another ultrasound... we were finally given a room where we spent the night. Around 6:30a.m. on Saturday morning, the surgery team came and spoke to us about the surgery and soon after they were ready for him. 

We walked down with him and stayed during pre-op. Then it was time to say good-bye for a little while. I was teary and then they took him one way and we had to go another. I lost it. He was in good hands. I knew that. It was just the seperation and severity of SURGERY... being put to sleep and away from me. 

After a good cry in D's arms, I was ok. The surgery was to last less than an hour. We went back to our room showered, dressed and they called to say the surgery went perfectly and we could come down and meet them in recovery. RELIEF.

As we walked up and I saw my baby laying in that bed after surgery I got teary again. Teary because he just had surgery. Teary because his problem was now fixed. Teary because once again God's faithfulness had sustained us through an ordeal that was really minor but huge in my first time momma heart.

Saturday was their one month birthday so family brought Jude up so we could see him and so they could spend some time together on their one month birthday... since they cared so much. :)

Jude looks like a giant here. He is def bigger than Luke because Luke was losing weight, but he's not that much bigger.

We stayed another night so Luke could be monitored. He did fantastic. He kept down his bottles and his whole demeanor changed. His color was better, he was less lathargic, he drank his bottles well... he was already improving. Before modern medicine, babies with this disorder ultimately would have starved to death. We are so grateful for modern medicine, technology and the great care of doctors and nurses at Lebonheur. Our Luke is currently laying beside me snoring with a full tummy that is properly digesting.

It was only fitting that as we drove away from Lebonheur, Never Once came on the radio. We are so thankful for God's faithfulness the last 48 hours. 

"Every step we are breathing in your grace; evermore we'll be breathing out your praise... You are faithful, God You are faithful."

Baby Scars

In preparing for the boys, we cleaned and organized basically the whole house, we got their nursery fixed and decorated to my liking, their clothes organized by sizes and hospital bags were packed. Though I was on bed rest for the last 3 months, I felt very prepared for the boys arrival.

What I was not prepared for was the post baby body. I haven't lived with my head in the sand. I know carrying a baby can do crazy things to your body. I also realize I just had twins a month ago, but as I shower and dress every day I'm reminded of the lengths my body had to go through to grow these boys. I know this sounds vain to even talk about but I know I'm not the only momma to have "baby scars." And I know you soon to be or one day to be mommas, if you're anything like me, want to know everything about this crazy process.

Every woman is going to carry her baby differently. Some will gain lots of weight. Some will hardly gain any. (I'll try not to hate those of you.)  Some will carry one baby. Some will carry multiples. In my case, carrying 2 babies at once didn't seem to be a big deal physically until about 30 weeks. That's when the stretch marks started. I had used different moisturizers the whole time anticipating the fact that those lovely stretch marks would indeed show up. I had heard mixed reviews. Some said you'll get stretch marks regardless and some said use cocoa butter, bio oil etc to help prevent. I have always used lotion everyday so I thought it couldn't hurt and I'm still glad I did... even though it didn't prevent the lovely stretch marks from gracing my hips and lower belly.

Stretch marks I was prepared for... the saggy skin not so much. I knew my belly had gotten big and that I had gained 60+ pounds, but I was not anticipating what I now know to be the "c-section sag." Yes, sagging skin that hangs ever so lovely around your c-section scar. I'm curently 5.5 weeks post pardom and my stomach still has a pooch and sagging skin.

Why did I share all of this might you ask?

Like I stated before, I wish someone would have been as frank to say GET READY FOR...(fill in the blank.) All I had ever heard was your body won't be the same after baby. Well duh to some degree, you just grew a human or 2 in there! I however thought just eat right, nurse and then once you get the ok from your doctor, workout. Ha! Who wants to eat healthy when sweet people are bringing meals of comfort food to you?! And who wants a healthy snack when you have choc chip cookies and delicious choc cake sitting on the counter?! And who wants to spend time working out when you could take a shower or a nap?! Though I do look forward to the challenge of losing these last 20lbs. I'm still enjoying my junk food and maternity pants. And oh maternity pants... how I love you!

I have gotten so off track from my point, but the honesty here just seems to be flowing. Back to stretch marks and flabby skin...

It seemed like in the same day I read a couple of different blog posts about how a baby changes you. Obviously they hit on the emotional side and the physical side of this sweet new life of being a mom. Thats what started me rethinking this baby body.

No, I do not have a six pack or anything close. No, I can not run a half marathon or even walk up my stairs without being winded. Yes, my arms jiggle when I wave. Yes, I have stretch marks that grace my belly. Yes, I have saggy skin. But you know what?

 I wouldn't trade it for the world.

These baby scars... my reminders... of what my body did for 9 months is a constant reminder of God's graciousness to me. He saw fit to give me 2 precious baby boys, that yes stretched my belly beyond what looked normal, but the joy that I get from being their mom makes every bit of it worth it.

One of the blogs (I wish I could remember what blogs they were so I could give them credit) really focused on how grateful we should be for our baby scars. I know it seems weird to be thankful for stretch marks and flabby skin, but when you think about the thousands of women struggling with infertility it definitely makes you ever so thankful for those seemingly ugly scars. Those women would give anything to have stretch marks and flabby skin because of what they represent... a baby. Life that they grew inside of them. Life that they delivered. Life that many have cried over and prayed for. If that doesn't make us thankful for our baby scars then I don't know what will.

So as I'm sitting here looking at my 2 sleeping baby boys I am thankful. I am thankful for my pooch that makes wearing normal clothes weird right now. I am thankful for my stetch marks that remind me every day that Jude and Luke grew inside of me. And I'm thankful for my c-section sag because that incision is how my boys were delivered. That moment of delivery when I heard them cry for the first time...I was thankful. I was thankful for the new life (lives) that God had given us. And so everyday I will choose to be thankful for my baby scars.

Candid Moments of Motherhood

Never have I appreciated coffee more.

I became one of those paranoid moms that I thought previously were crazy... except I'm way worse.

I've always known I'm someone who requires a lot of sleep. Having 2 newborns has only confirmed that. Our babies do well at night (3-4 hour spans) but still getting use to interrupted sleep is hard!

Germaphobe is an understatement to my state of germ paranoia. 

Pumping is one of the weirdest things ever... something I'm grateful for, but I feel like I'm a creature on a dairy farm. Not to mention it looks awesome. (said with much sarcasm)

As we have settled into this family of 4 thing... well really as we have settled in with this having 2 newborns thing...having an extra set of hands has been invaluable. Thankful for friends and family willing to come hold or feed babies for us.

So thankful for a hands on husband who will feed babies, vacuum the house or change dirty diapers no matter the time of day.

Middle of the night feedings feel like the twilight zone.

After seeing my reflection in the mirror at 2:00a.m., I can confirm that its not a flattering time for me.

Motherhood is fun, sweet, and very fulfilling but its definitely not always glamorous. 

I never realized 2 tiny people could puke and poop so much.

After realizing the amount of puke that was coming from the babies was not normal, we took them to the dr. and they were dignosed with severe reflux. They seem unphased by it other than they do cry when puke is coming out their nose.

We love our pediatrician, Dr. Owen.

I change at least 20-25 diapers a day.

The stretch marks and c-section pooch are humbling. (more of this coming in another post)

I have never been more appreciative for 2 tiny humans that make laundry multiply, getting out the door harder and our hearts more full than we could have ever imagined.

Due date and 3 weeks old

Today is our official due date. It's crazy to think that preterm labor started at 25 weeks yet we made it to 37 and have 2 healthy boys to show for it. Though we wanted the boys to stay in as long as possible, I'm sure glad they came out when they did and didn't wait until today. I mean can you imagine how large I would have been?! 

These have been the most amazing, fufilling 3 weeks of my life yet at the same time some of the most exhausting. I looked at d one night during our 2:00am-ish feeding and told him the best way to describe the new baby(ies) exhaustion is like a lock-in. You're good while you're busy and the adrenaline is flowing but pretty soon the lack of sleep catches up to you.

So let me fill you in on our life lately...

Feedings: This is what takes up most of our day. Due to their low weight, their dr. has had us feeding them every 2 hours during the day and every 3 or so hours at night. And bc they are so small they sleep all the time... which on one hand is great but when you have to work to wake them up to eat... especially in the middle of the night when you're exhausted and want to sleep... it becomes a not so great thing.

I started out attempting to nurse them. Jude latched pretty consistently. Luke did not. In fact poor guy would get so frustrated he wouldn't eat at all. I ended up pumping and bottle feeding them with my milk so both boys would get breast milk and d or others could help with the feeding process. We also supplement with formula per dr.'s orders to help fatten them up. Though this schedule is not the most convenient, its working. Our boys gained 9 oz and 12 oz in 4 days!

Diaper changing: Seriously my boys eat, sleep and poop... and then poop some more. Due to all the pooping we change a ton of diapers a day. So when I say I was thrilled to receive diapers for Christmas I'm not kidding. 

A fun fact we've discovered while diapering boys is the fountain of pee that entertains us if we're not careful. I've yet to be peed on... d unfortunately can not say the same thing. What I've experienced is far worse... instead of peeing on me they've peed on their own face. Thats right... not their belly/outfit but their face. Mom of the year award goes to me.

Sleeping: The boys sleep all the time. Though we aren't getting a full nights sleep we can't really complain because for the most part they sleep longer stretches than we expected. They of course can be fussy when they have gas or are fixing to spew everywhere, but are overall really good babies... so far.

Each week we see their eyes more and more frequently. If we're lucky not only do we catch them with their eyes open but we catch some sweet gassy grins as well.